So after a few years of having this and many other sites, I felt that it was finally necessary to speak solely about myself (for at least one post anyway). So here goes.
I have always considered myself to be this hopeless romantic, down to earth, fun loving, free spirit. My childhood wasn't easy and I lived a relatively hard life, but I've always saw light at the end of the tunnel. And my glass has always been half empty..
Now with that being said I must admit that when you continuously get kicked to the ground you start to wonder if your truly meant to stay there.. At 26 years old I have seen and been through some things that people would never imagine, but from the outside looking in, how could you?
Because of my childhood I developed what some would call a "DADDY COMPLEX". For those of you who don't know what this is I will sum it up in a nutshell. A daddy complex is when a female who's father was rarely around seeks men to feel the void his absence left. (Usually men much older than herself.)
This "complex" has caused me to deal and put up with things that a normal person would never, just because I yearn so deeply for love.
I have this idea that LOVE, True Love exist and I just want a taste of what it really feels like. And this is where my "Hopeless Romantic" theory comes in to play.
I tend to date men I shouldn't, and when I say shouldn't I mean the commitment phobe, the pot head, the womanizer, the abuser, and the cheats........
What initially happens is that I go into each situation with 100% optimism and then when things go wrong I'm left broken hearted, but the reality of it has always been that I knew deep down in my heart that those situations were never going to work.
I've always felt that if I gave massages, cooked dinner, lite candles, played slow jams and was 100% honest that one of those men would take notice and eventually show appreciation for it.. For ME..
BOY WAS I WRONG!
But even then It wasn't until last night that the light at the end of the tunnel became really dim to me. Don't get me wrong; I still believe love exist, I'm just not so sure that I will find it.
Each time I feel as though I'm getting close, something happens that brings me back down to reality. And to say that I'm over it would be an understatement.. I've always thought that men wanted independent woman, who cooked, cleaned, and thought the world of them. But its clear that I'm a little off.. And I know I'm definitely not high maintenance because I care more about the simple things than I do the big ones. I would prefer respect than gifts. Laughter than arguments, cooking meals together indoors than going out to eat, family time over bar time and honesty over a lie. But even with all of that I haven't had that one man who has proven to me that Love is worth searching or fighting for. I envision myself marrying my best friend. A man who has just the right amount of sarcasm, a great sense of humor, very level headed, a great communicator and someone who cares just as much about family as I do.. Maybe that just doesn't exist anymore.
Here is a list of 10 things a man can do make/keep me happy
1. Respect me- I don't like the word Bitch, and I don't feel a man should call his woman or any woman out her name.
2. Be honest- If I do or say something that is a little left, let me know so I can work on it & tell me the truth even when your sparing my feelings. I can deal with the truth much easier than a lie. (Once the trust is gone so am I.)
3. Flowers- I LOVE flowers, like love them.....
4. Allow me to be me- I know that I have flaws, but we all do!
5. Romance- The most romantic thing to me is someone who will run a bath or give me a massage.
6. Quality time- Now this is here because people don't seem to know the difference between time and quality time. Having one on one time just relaxing at home or away allows both people to grow closer to each other.
7. Rules- Please Please don't come to me with a journal or mind full of crap that you have to live by. Every person is different therefore every situation is different. So those rules may not work with everyone you get with!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. Affection- I need this. I just love the whole touchy feely stuff.
9. Attention- This one isn't that big of a deal but is sometimes necessary. If we are together show me you care, its just that simple.
10. Be a MAN- I shouldn't have to tell you, show you or direct you how to treat me. It should come naturally. If I'm good to you just feed off of that and give it back.
I don't know if I'm ever going to find my "Happily ever after" but I still hold on to a tiny piece of hope. Because I refuse to believe that I can't have it ALL.